Last night I slept at the AIRPORT.
Y’all guess what last night was?!
Guess where I slept?!
Yes, I slept in a van.
In a parking garage.
At the airport.
Last night was stupid.
Welcome back to my stupid vanlife.
Chapter 2. (Chapter 1 posted last week.)
We’re headed to Colorado for the week (by plane, not by van- let’s give a praise ). We had a not so early modest morning flight scheduled for 9:12 am. Easy Peasy.
I like to arrive at the gate when it’s boarding.
Scott likes to arrive at the gate and wait like a psychopath. This creates a lively discussion every time we have a trip- what time do we leave?? How much time does Scott need to sit at the gate to feel comfortable?? As someone who spent over a decade of his career flying every week, he usually wins these battles and so we sit… and we wait… to board.
For a 9:12 am flight out of Cincinnati, I said we’d need to get up at 6 am. He said we’d need to get up at 5. Y’all do your own calculations… 5 am is stupid.
But none of that even matters because he then tells me that we’re going up the night before to SLEEP IN THE VAN AT THE AIRPORT.
Whats more stupid than 5am? This. This is.
I wasn’t going to win this one. I tried.
But It’s fine. Eventually there will be payback.
I’m storing all these, “look what I did for you” moments as future ammunition for something BIG that I haven’t yet planned… I shall not hold back and I will deserve whatever I choose.
After a smooth drive to the airport, the next issue became- uhhhh- where do we park?? And the debate between short or long term parking began-
Shorter is more expensive but you’re literally parked at the doors to the airport.
You know what those doors lead to?
Bathrooms. Toilets are necessary.
For the love, I do not want to use the pee funnel again.
Scott wanted to park at the long term lot- Where they shuttle you to the airport. You know how this goes…
The shuttle driver would watch us come in and drive over to our spot to get us and then what?
Oh! Hi there! Yeah, we’re not actually going to the airport tonight. Can you come pick us up tomorrow? Is that even allowed? Also there are no bathrooms there. This is stupid.
Vanlife is a give and take.
If he gets the whole night ‘livin the vantasy’ then I get to pick the parking spot.
Short term it is.
We entered the garage, took our ticket and immediately tapped the overhead clearance bar….8 ft 6 inches.
Eeeeeksy.
Apparently the van is closer to 8 ft 7 inches.
The rebels we are, we pushed through, albeit very very slowly.
It was 10 pm and we were super lucky to get a spot on the ground level, steps away from the bathrooms. I FELT VICTORIOUS!! This is what heaven must feel like!!! Sheesh. Strip someone of their basic needs and watch them revel in the little things. What has my life become?
Step 1 - complete (bathrooms).
Step 2 - don’t freeze to death.
PART 2 ADDED BELOW-
Hey-O! Welcome back to My Stupid Vanlife chapter 2, part 2. Thanks for waiting.
Spoiler Alert! I did not freeze to death Friday night and we made it to Colorado (by plane) like normal sane people.
It bears repeating that Scott’s super awesome (not at all stupid) van (as he calls it) isn’t finished. Although he has spent long hours on the foundation of this build (insulation, electrical, paneling, windows, ventilation, cabinets and seats), the parts that make this a functional home on wheels (for me) have yet to be put in place… so at this stage, it’s just a stupid mattress on wheels, camping in a tin can, mediocre glamping (at best).
Back to where we left off, Step 2: don’t freeze to death.
People listen, I didn’t even get cold.
Read that again…. And again. Can you even?!
*insert clapping*
Thank you….Thank you….
I'd like to take this moment to acknowledge the three factors that made this possible. Without them, this would have never been possible and I would not be here today.
1. Thank you stupid little full size bed. Remember that awful- brick- hard- I’m -never- sleeping- like- this- again- bed from Gatlinburg? Sometimes (read: most times) us women have to take matters into our own hands and after our first van trip, I immediately bought a memory foam mattress topper and, yes I’m being dramatic, but it quite possibly saved my life. Ok fine, at least it saved my back and possibly even my marriage, if I’m being honest. Y’all it *almost* made me forget I was in a van. Hahaha! No. But it did feel like a warm hug and so it deserves recognition as to why we did not freeze to death Friday night in that stupid van.
2. Next, I’d like to thank The Beddy. Raise your hand if you’ve heard of THE BEDDY? It’s an all in one bed system that allows you to stay zipped up (like a sleeping bag) but in like real adult bedding. The sheet, blanket and comforter are all in one and it is C O Z Y. (Another perk is that you don’t have to make the bed, you just zip it up.) It is not at all stupid, it is 100% Genius. Who found this gem for the van? Obviously not Scott.
So I guess at this point, I’d like to thank myself for both 1 and 2. You’re welcome, Scott.
3. Last, and maybe the most important, if I’m being generous to my husband, I’d like to thank our little electric fireplace. Did you think this stupid van was heated?? YES (obviously), and well NO (actually). Clearly, we haven’t figured this part out yet. Most camper vans use a gas heater system that connects to the GAS TANK! Are you comfortable with us installing something like that?! Yeah, me neither. I’m really not in the mood to die in this stupid thing. So our two heating options are propane gas or electric. We’ve used propane, but Scott wanted to try the “fireplace” for this trip. Of course, he did. (This heating segment needs a lot more attention, and I’ll share more at a later date, so I’ll get to the point.) We could only run this pretty little fireplace for 3 mins at a time because it pulled too much wattage from our battery. Just stupid- but it did help us stay semi warm, so thank you.
As you can see, I am 66% of the reason we didn’t die or lose our toes to frostbite Friday night. Scott added a mere 33% with his stupid 3 minute heater segments. So, again, you’re welcome, Scott.
(In case you were keeping count, that last 1% of warmth came from my anger. )
And just to give y’all something to look forward to, we’re taking this stupid van to the beach WITH BUSTER after Christmas.
We have lots to do to get ready for that nightmare. Stay tuned!
